


Object Permanence

by Star_Shine_Ocean



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Almost Dissociation, Anxiety as a character and a disorder, Based on a head cannon, Like I only write about him suffering, Other, Platonic or Romantic LAMP, every time I mention Virgil I feel like a bad person, what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 22:37:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12874515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_Shine_Ocean/pseuds/Star_Shine_Ocean
Summary: Based on the idea that anxiety has no concept of object permanence, but not always. You could say it isn't a permanent problem. I'm sorry, I promise the story is better than my jokes.





	Object Permanence

**Author's Note:**

> So I guess my pun, or my tumblr, got you here! I'm actually really proud of this, so I hope you all enjoy. Oh, and here is the post I got inspiration from! http://cockyhorror.cf/post/160651039017/anxiety-has-no-object-permanence-you-know-when

Virgil knew today was going to be bad, it was just a simple fact. It all started when he was coming down for what only technically qualified as breakfast and he couldn’t close his door. When he went to leave he closed the door and immediately had to open it back up again to make sure everything was there. He breathed out a sigh of relief and went to close it again, only to find that his panic returned the second the door was closed. What if everything was gone? What if his space was suddenly empty? What if-

“What if,” he muttered bitterly, “It’s all there, like it always is?”

Even though, he knew logically the room still existed even if he couldn’t see it, he couldn’t shake the feeling that when his door was closed, his room disappeared. He couldn’t lose his safe haven, just the thought sent a shiver down his spine. So, he opened the door, again, to see his room just like he left it.

He closed the door again, and rested his forehead against the cool wood, he was already done with today. He just wanted to be okay, was that too much to ask for? He just wanted to go get some cereal, maybe watch a movie with Patton, and relax. But no, he couldn’t even do that. He hated days like this, he wasn’t sure if he was disassociating or what was going on, but he knew he hated it. 

“Virgil?” Virgil’s head snaps up toward Logan, a small part of him crying out in joy at the proof that someone else exist, but another part of him wants to scream at being seen like this.

“Y-yes?” He winces at the stutter, knowing Logan will pick up on it.

“Is everything alright?” Logan questions, coming closer to the purple clad figure.

“Yeah, I just,” Virgil huffs looking at the offending door and shoving it open again, “Am having a few issues.”

Logan places his hand of Virgil’s shoulder, “Tell me about them?”

Virgil wants to tell him, but his mind is reeling, wondering if Patton and Roman are here, if they exist. Logan came from somewhere right? No, he knows that they are real, he just has to call for them. But what if…

Virgil shook his head, “Sorry I just, it’s like,” Virgil bit his lip trying to distract himself from his spiraling thoughts.

“It is okay if you can’t explain right now,” Logan reassure, “What can I get you to help?”

“Everyone,” the word slips out of his mouth before he can think, and he quickly covers his mouth with his hands, “Forget I said that please, I’m fine, I don’t want to change anyone’s plans.”

“That won’t be an issue, today no one has anything planned. Let me go get them,” with that Logan turns around and heads towards the stairs much to the dismay of Virgil.

“No!” he yells as an icy feeling of panic surges through his body. He reaches out grabbing Logan’s wrist before he can make it too far, “Please don’t leave, you can’t disappear.”

“Hey, hey,” Logan says, turning around and pulling the anxious trait into a hug concern evident on his features, “I won’t go, I promise.”

Virgil rest his head on Logan’s shoulder, trying to figure out how to breathe normally again. He can feel Logan gently tapping a rhythm into his back with one hand and can hear the faint beeps coming from the others phone as he types out a message, probably to Roman and Patton.

“M’sorry,” Virgil whispers, not moving his head, but feeling a sense of dread creep into his throat at the prospect of being away from his room. 

He wasn’t in there, he couldn’t see it, how did he know it was still there? What if it vanished?

The anxious trait took a shuddering breath before he realized Logan was saying something to him, “Did you hear me?”

“N-no,” he stutters, still trying to not focus on his room.

“I said there is no reason to be apologetic, now I can tell you’re getting more agitated, please tell me what will help.”

“I- can we, um, go clo-closer to my room?” He hesitantly looks up at the concerned face of the man holding him.

“Of course,” Logan says, guiding them back towards Virgil’s room.

Upon seeing the room, with its still open door, a breath he didn’t realize he was holding releases, making it so much easier to breathe. He feels himself sag against the logic trait, so tired of worrying, so tired of being tired, so tired of not knowing what’s going on with himself.

“Would you like to go sit down?” Logan questions gesturing to the bed inside the room, and with Virgil’s nod of confirmation, they make their way over.

The second they are seated Patton and Roman rush in. Patton’s arms are full of snacks and Roman has several blankets stacked up in his arms.

“I’m so sorry it took us so long,” Patton rambles, not noticing the surprise in Virgil’s eyes, “I just wanted to make sure we had everything we needed. You didn’t eat breakfast did you Kiddo?”

“No?” Virgil squeaks out, trying to hide his relief that Roman and Patton were real.

Patton tuts and hands him a couple of granola bars before taking the blankets out of Roman’s strong arms, “No problem, just eat those up! Tomorrow I’ll make sure I get you up for breakfast.”

Virgil blinks, slowly unwrapping a granola bar before scarfing it down like his life depended on it. He didn’t realize how hungry he was.

“Now,” Roman starts, heading to close the door, “Why don’t you tell us what ails you?”

“Roman wait,” Logan tries to warn, but Virgil is already barreling off the bed, falling to the floor in the process, and earning a surprised squeak from Patton.  He scrambles up and grabs the door, forcing it to stay open.

“Okay, okay,” Roman says, raising his hands in surrender while shooting a gaze to the other two concerned sides, “The door stays open.”

Virgil slumps, shooting the prince a grateful look before rubbing his knee from where he fell, “Sorry about that.”

“No need to apologize sunshine,” Roman sooths, wrapping an arm around the darker trait, before leading him back to the bed, “But why don’t you tell us what has you in such a state.”

Virgil climbs back onto the bed, situating himself in the corner so he can see everyone and the open door, while the others circle in around him.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine, this just happens sometimes,” he shrugs wrapping his arms around himself protectively. 

“What do you mean?” Patton asks, worry evident in his leaned in posture.

“I sometimes have a problem,” Virgil blushes, ducking his head, “remembering things exist? I mean most days I can handle it, but some days I feel like if I leave the room it won’t be here when I get back, or-or if you guys lea-leave you’re just gone. It’s stupid I know.”

“Virgil what you are describing is an issue with object permanence,” Logan states before continuing on, “However, object permanence typically develops at a very young age, and I know for a fact Thomas has learned.”

“Wait,” cries Prince, “Does this mean if we played peek-a-boo you’d think I really disappeared?”

“I don’t know,” Snaps Virgil, humiliation coursing through him as he tries to fight back tears. Of course they’d make fun of him, why did he think it would be any different from when they didn’t know his name? After ridiculing him some more they’d all probably leave, leaving him to fight the panic off by himself.

“Knock it off you two,” commands Patton in his dad voice, “Virgil this is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Says you,” He growls, “You’re not the one with the brain of a two-year-old!”

“That is not what I meant,” Logan interjects, “I’m sorry it came off that way, I just merely meant that this wasn’t a lack of knowledge on Thomas’s part. No, if you think about it a lot of people who suffer with anxiety can experience this lack of object permanence. It makes sense that with you it would manifest more potently than just the simple ‘I just checked my bag twice and my keys are in there, but are they really in there,’ I am sorry that I implied you had the mind of a child.”

“I’m sorry too,” Roman adds, looking remorseful, “You know me, when an idea pops up sometimes I can’t stop it. I will try harder in the future to be more princely in this matter though. I really should think before I speak, I did not mean to hurt your feelings.”

“It’s fine,” Virgil shrugs, honestly very happy with the apologies, “So, does-does this mean you-you guys won’t leave?” 

He looks at them all hesitantly, worried that they will laugh at him needing them, but too scared to not ask them stay.

“Kiddo,” Patton says, and Virgil braces himself for the bad news, “I don’t know what would make you think we didn’t plan on staying. I literally brought a mountain of food, and Roman brought enough blankets for all of us.”

This time Virgil couldn’t stop the tears that raced down his face. The others all leaned in and hugged him, and he smiled for the first time that day. 

After that everyone made themselves comfortable on Virgil’s bed. Cuddled up together they also retrieved Virgil’s laptop so that they could all watch a movie. 

Every so often Virgil would have to lean up and check to make sure that the hallway was still there, and no one made any comments about him being ridiculous, instead Virgil saw the reassuring smiles Patton would send him every time he leaned up, or he'd feel Logan squeezing his hand just a little tighter when he checked, or he'd feel Roman's hair as the princely trait nuzzled his neck when he laid back down. At one point Virgil realized he was about to fall asleep, and fear nearly jerked him awake again. That is, until he felt Patton’s head fall on top of his shoulder, until he heard Roman’s gentle snoring against his chest, until he glanced over and saw Logan, tie loose, glasses skewed, curled up against Patton’s side fast asleep, arm thrown over Patton’s waist so his hand rested on Virgil’s stomach. He was surrounded by people who cared about him, so what if the hallway that lead to their rooms wasn’t there? It just meant more cuddles for him. With that thought, Virgil finally allowed himself to drift off, a small smile gracing his face.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Tada! I hope you all enjoyed! The ending made me so happy, and I hope I conveyed the concept well. Follow me on tumblr @seas-space-and-stardust and send me prompts!


End file.
